That Long Distance Relationship!

Relationships are both merrier and painful at 2 different instances. No story is picture perfect. Every story has its own times of joy and testing times. In a nutshell, they are complicated, touch wood mine was never.

Every time I received a call from my contacts as Dortmund, people next to me always wondered who was it. Some of them gave me a weird smile and a Ohh hoo, some of them raised their eyebrows and some of them left me to be at my peace. And I never failed to ignore. Most of my afternoons a couple of years ago had a regular status update calls to this person. Seldom I quietly walked out of my workspace, took a water bottle to refill, gave my updates and walked back to my desk. I had made it a habit or more like a routine.

I remember times, when people unnecessarily teased me while I was on calls, I had nothing to say but just say what nonsense? And walk away. They thought I was blushing then. Lol. I wondered why on earth would I blush? On the other side, Dortmund asked me why was I laughing. I would tell the stories of things that happen around me while I answer Dortmund's call. Dortmund would laugh and say Ignore it baby, so would I.

Dortmund: Baby change my contact name please.
Me: Aye ja be!
Dortmund : <Eye-rolling smiley! And a silent GL please.>

This happened only on 3 different occasions. I was very politely asked to change the contact name, I respectfully disagreed to do so. Later I was never even asked to do, in-spite of people doubting on us to the moon and back.

Our initial days of skype calls were crazy:

                           
Every time Dortmund flashed on my phone, someone made fun of me. Except people who were nearly close to me as Dort. Most of the times before I made purchases online, the links and pictures were sent to Dort. Until the approval/suggestions came from miles away, the product was just left in the cart.  So friends of mine asked if Dortmund selected it for me, I said no, but I showed it before buying it.

            

My world is so incomplete without this person. Distance has never been a villain except for a very few occasions. When I was pale and sad, I wanted a shoulder for real but however bestie was always there virtually. Spoke for hours and made me a better person in a few hours. I thanked God for having my personalized angel as he couldn't always be around. But I couldn't thank Dortmund enough because the response I always received for every thanks was - "Aye ja be"

Time zone is a matter of concern many a times. I doze off much before the other person.  I ask about lunch, while the person miles away is just up and yet to have breakfast. The last night, I had to wake myself at 03:30 am-ish just to make sure I'm wishing at 12:00 am, while I was terribly sick with a damaged wrist.

Just so that everybody knows, Dortmund is a name of a place in Germany. I did not know of the place only until my Bestie got the admission at TU Dortmund. Unless you really really know me well, you wouldn't really know who my Bestie is. After having relocated from Dortmund to Zutphen, the contact name still remains the same. I like Dortmund more, maybe. Bestie does not even mind any longer.

At times, our conversations be like :
Me:  Come we'll marry each other and it's even legal!
Dortmund : The Society is not ready for that yet.
Me: We'll adopt a child and a pet.
Dortmund :  You'll take care of both but.
Me: Yeah ok :)
Dortmund : Ok! Wouldn't that still be a long distance relationship ? Lol!

Dortmund knows all those stares I possibly get in the bus for the commitment that lasts for years. Be it a phone call or WhatsApp chat. I do smile while I respond, but trust me, I ain't blushing. Best Friend is the greatest gift that one could ever get. Mine is exceptionally the great one.  I get all the energy in the world when I'm down just when I have this person with me. We don't even have a lot many pictures together. Maybe we were too busy in living today and forgot to make memories with pictures. Nonetheless, being there when needed the most is all that matters.

Random conversations be like :D

Happy Birthday to the only girl I know who is almost as crazy as me. I know, how hard it is to be humble :) You are charming, compassionate, intelligent and strong - maybe just because you are my best friend. Oh yeah, I'm being humble all over again :) Did we agree upon the terms, best friends are supposed to share everything with each other? So I'm celebrating and sharing your birthday with you like my own. Your age is just a reminder of all the amazing years we spent together.

Madam, Just so that you remember all over again, the first day of our college, we met unexpectedly and the first thing we did together was go to a Canteen instead of the class at P.C Jabin's. All the weird things happen for a reason, so did we happened to each other. Thanks for jumping in joy with me and sobbing when I cried rivers. I know, you have been equally humble by being there and tolerating all the mood swings of mine. And there is no escape, you know. In this roller coaster called life, being able to lean and rely on someone is one of the best feelings out there. Not a PDA, but yeah I do love you only as much as you do :D You decide as to how much :P

Happy Birthday !!

Love,
V

And when it breaks!

Disclaimer: It is highly unlikely that any sentiments expressed in this short story in any way coincide with those of any other person in any way associated with me. It is purely my work of fiction. My Mind is back to work after a long vacation.

'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't breakeven, even, no
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause he's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no, it don't breakeven, even!

This day that year -- 

The alarm rung, I realized the last thing I remember were the above lines echoing before I slipped to sleep.  I cursed the alarm for breaking my dream where I was trying to tie all the loose ends before it is too late. I was trying to get answers for all the questions. I was haunted by the past. I wasn't getting over it. Even before I could knock the correct doors to get any answers my alarm resounded.

I chose on dismissing and was laying on the bed remembering the last encounter. Just realized my presence did not matter and that let me know that nor did my absence made any distinction. That brain which is literally brainy understood all of those, nonetheless the very busy and sensitive heart did not buy any of it. It just stayed there madly and deeply.

The brain signaled something.  I could not resist but react immediately. Quickly got ready, unlocked the bicycle and reached the University campus. One last subject to get the grades to graduate from the well-known University. There are many reasons to live life happily. But the (bloody) heart does not allow me to. However, I wrote that test as per my brain's command. I also knew that my parents take pride in my success. I'm going to be the first post graduate from my family and that too from World's top university. Just a few more months before I see my home and my people.

Killed a couple of months in despair. Doing things I'm best at were tumbling apart to realize how lousy I have turned out to be. And today after I rehearsed a thousand times, on the dais my motivational address for my juniors turned out to be a mess and I ended up saying something unexpected :
"I wish that I had never met you.
Then there would be no reason to impress you, no need to want you.
No need for loving you, No need for crying over you.
No need for heartbreaks, No need for pain or tears.
No need for forgotten promises, No need for acting like you care.
No need, for everything you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing."

My close friend walked straight onto the dais and dragged me out of the stage. I had not realized what had I done. I blindly trudged out of the amphitheater just to pose for a picture with a flying graduate hat. So that I continue to make my parents feel proud. As I walked by the restaurant in the campus, I saw you Mr.! You walked with another person with the same camaraderie we shared.

A few years have passed by, nothing has changed except you and my fate. Today, as I type in this letter outside my psychiatrist's cabin how I wish I had never met you.

Receptionist : Ms. Astha.
Me: Hey, I'm here.
Receptionist: Ma'am you can walk in the doctor's room in 2 minutes.
Me: How many today?
Receptionist: Ma'am 3. You may choose to meet them based on your convenience of time.
Me: Cool!

I walk into the doctor's office and get startled to see you and I stand still . The doctor suggests me to sit next to him so that I can talk to you. Today, I'm here to help my cousin to counsel some of his tough nut patients. And you are here too, but you are here with all the broken pieces just because Karma never forgets any address. I see that you are falling into pieces and that very thing saddens me.

So here I say, "I'm Ms. Astha. I'm here to help you and you may please count me as your friend so that I can help you completely." First time in years, I was forcing my brainy brain to use the word Friend to my client whom my bloody heart refused to call as Friend. Well, my heart no longer even treats you as one. But I will still help you because I know when the heart breaks, you breakdown too!

And when a heart breaks, no, it don't breakeven, even!  -- Astha!

#Fiction03
Breakeven

--V