That Tall Handsome Man!

A shiver runs through me thinking of him. Everything about him is so special and so unique. He is always been appreciated by many. Every other acquaintance of him I personally met had something to tell about him. Tons of things I learnt through his acquaintance about him made me feel more special. He was like that magical rock, to whom everyone went with their problems. And that includes me too. I call it "Happiness for real", ignoring all the tears I shed.

I recently attended a family friend's wedding. It was obvious to meet many known people. Initially, I was hesitant to face a lot of them but I eased through it. I entered the function hall in a blue silk saree and greeted so many uncle and aunties with hands folded. More than half of them said, "Oh look who is grown up, the little Pinky". I was shy! And they said, had he been here, wouldn't that be great? I nodded my head in acknowledgement.

Memories and people from the past can be pleasant and at times equally painful. If you decide to smile at the odds, you will have only the pleasant thoughts greeting you. A little later, a lady in her late 50s came to us. She was gentle and kind. She smiled and asked my mother "Vahini(word used to address a woman as sister-in-law) how are you?". My mother responded to her and wished her for the "Rashtra Prashasthi". "Had he been here, he would be over the moon. wouldn't he?" asked the lady. She started to narrate a small story of hers.

"I was earning Rs. 400 per month in a private school then, it was he who got an application form. He filled it up neatly and pushed me out of the house to submit the application. I then submitted the application and joined the Government services. He ensured to see that I get the joining within Hubli taluk. No less than a God to me, while my Maithili and Vaidehi were little kids. Tears were rolling constantly as she continued to speak. There was this other man standing there along with us, who now silently fled the sight. She said, what kind of a friend is this person? He doesn't have a little patience to hear about his own friend. Meanwhile, other women there opened up to say "No wonder why you are such a kind and helpful woman, were you not there, we would not get to eat a meal a day". She stated, it is he who made my life and, in turn, yours'. I will remain thankful to him till my eyes close forever.

Now that I had spent more than half a day in hearing appreciations of this man, I went into a series of flashbacks. This one is a simple yet small one:

It was a summer evening, I had returned home after visiting a friend on a Saturday noon. For reasons unknown, I'm a games freak. I played a lot of it and returned by evening. I saw this man resting on the bed and I jumped on the bed. Silently sat on his "little-big-tummy". He opened his eyes and asked what I wanted. Little hesitant and scared as I was at the moment, I said "Video Game". Little did I know, what was coming - I just put forth my demand. Till then, there were no instances I ever dared to demand anything. I was a low maintenance child then. He calmly walked out of the room and freshened up and dressed up smartly with shirt neatly tucked in, a rare collection watch, footwear polished so well to shine and combed with few Bajaj Almond drops. I assumed my demand was blindly rejected, I went and sat in one of the corners of the room. He then came over and asked If I was ready yet? I looked here and there and grinned instantly. Jumped out of the bed and dressed up in no time. That evening, I got my first 'Brick Game' Home. What a delight that was.

Although he was very strict yet he was jovial, very disciplined yet super cool; he was witty yet he was kind and caring. And he was my Hero.

That Tall Handsome Man is My Father!

 The most important influence in my childhood was my father.My father was my teacher. But most importantly he was a great Dad. Today as I write this memoir, I apprehend it is exactly 15 long years, that I've lived only with the memories. There is a complete void in me. Today, when I hear all the great stories by others that he never mentioned to us, I wish I could thank him enough for all that he was. I wish I could tell him I how much I admired him. I wish I could bring him back. I wish he could hold me before I fall. I wish he punished me when I broke the rules. I wish he could shine with pride over my success. I wish and I wish!!

I want to hug him for once and say "How much I missed him for all these years". I revived all those special remembrances his friends shared with us. He left footprints of kindness wherever he went. I now wonder about those, whom my father supported, took care of, educated, nurtured and made a good human-being. Benevolence begins at home, yes it indeed. As I recall, there were a number of relatives and family friends who lived in my house along with us, like us and completed their education. But there are many more untold random acts of kindness. Today, I feel my dad must be happy, wherever he is as he see them successful.

I still wake up with dreams of my Dad visiting us in his vacations, I still get frightened to talk to him looking straight into his eyes in my dreams. I still wish that was real. I still feel proud for he was multitalented. I still wait to sleep only to see him again. There is a deep-seated need to fill the unfillable void. But I'm sure the strongest guy I ever met would never want to see me broken.  

In the walk of life,
We pass joys and pain.
There will be sunshine and rain;
There will be loss and gain.
But we must learn to smile again and again.

My first article about the most dignified and the noble soul. Had he been here he would have gracefully aged with gray hair and nearing to his retirement life. But he rather resides in each of us in my home. And now I know, why there is a little bit of heaven in my home :)

-Love,
That Tall Handsome Man's Daughter :)

Woman of my age!

Not only magical but also the most mysterious presence on earth. Nobody ever knows what is in a woman's mind. I read an interesting phrase that goes like this "A woman's mind is like thousands of browsers open in a system", which is like close to impossible to understand by a normal being.

The first few years after the graduation program is a happy phase in one's life. The time phase where you are self-dependent and living life king size. After which comes the difficulty. You are neither a college pass-out fresher nor a little girl of the family any longer. There comes the middle 20's crisis.

Like many friends of mine, I was also given a time period of 3 years after graduation to either continue my studies or to work. I chose to work as it was more liberating (at least, I thought so), meanwhile, my best buddies started their preparations to study further. They also ensured to prepare well for their GRE and to get into the reputed Universities (Germany and USA ). Well, some friends were busy making their Career here in India and others had special cases :P

So, that's the background!

To be very frank, I wasn't much keen on to study further. I thought, I cannot afford another 40-50Ls on my studies, so why not continue to work. But only later that I realized, it was one shit of a reason I was giving myself to stop myself from studying :P So when this realization happened on an auspicious day, under my room's roof and fan I thought I should study. So the immediate weekend I made my way to the Avenue Road, Bangalore :P

I bought, at least, half a dozen books - The Official Guide, The Kaplan, Manhattan and a couple of more books. I made sure to go with my brother so that he'll carry all the heavy books :P :P He was really happy to see the changed me in this regard. The time when all the fellow parents of my friends were forcing them to get married, mine were suggesting me to go and study :D I was a real junk, to have ignored their words. Nevertheless, at least, I made my mind to start preparation. I started to attend the online discussions seriously. Wow! It was good to read the books only to fall asleep after a hectic work day. Only after a month or two, my work schedule was worsened to make it at least 12 hrs a day and I reached home only at 11 PM. 

So, so what? I quit my preparations. I had no explanation to give to my family and they were kind enough to understand the situation, even though my brother never missed any chance to taunt me looking at "The Official Guide 2013" left undusted on my table. Well, poor me! It wasn't intentional, but I failed in my endeavor to study further(I'm not a loser though :P). It was back then, I used to work with "ABC" organization. I really don't know how this stint with ABC has been a blessing in disguise. I made a lot of friends there. No wonder, this place put a lot of people under "Are you nuts like me" test and to my surprise I found a handful nuts just like me :D Yayy!! They were qualified enough to be with this nut.

It was then during my initial days of employment, I thought I wasn't paid enough to do my job. But who cares? I was just another employee to them. I slogged my ass off during a phase of career to prove my mettle. It was rewarding every time when I got this appraisal rating as Exceeds All. But was that all? Isn't there anything else to life? Nah baby nah, there is so much more to it. A time where most of my friends were either married or getting engaged, to my nightmares some of them were already a mother of one. *And, Here I am - this is me, There's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be. 

So this seed of thought about a daughter's marriage was already sown in my family's mind. Whereas, my mind was all into working more harder and getting the next promotion. There was nothing else I could think beyond this. It was a routine to talk to all my close buddies at least over the weekend, and more often than less the only question I used to go blank at was - "So, VJ when is your wedding? Is the hunt on? What plans? Are you going around with anyone or family is looking for a groom? Are you planning to continue to work in the same place later too? " Grrr!! Gimme a break. All I wanted to say was "Hey I'm blank at this question" but I rather always end up saying "Hey, not as of now, maybe next year".

Tick tock tick tock! Mid 20s crisis had already begun, Career or Family to be. Damn! I kinda was in a relief when an uncle of mine had read my palm and ended up saying - late wedding is expected. I was more like, I can have a couple of more crushes :P he he he :P I ain't a machine you see, my friends from Cadence will understand this crush scene very well :P It wasn't my mistake, I rather blame my nature for not going and talking to any of my crushes. On a serious note, crush remains just a crush, as my first workplace hardly ever gave me a chance to see the same person again :D Like every other person of my age, I had to save money and start preparing for the next phase of life. But, I'm sure none actually saved any penny at that point, It wasn't possible also. A few friends of mine are already happily married for more than 3 years now, And, Here I am - this is me, There's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be. 

There are times, I was told I look plumper than I ever was, my skin isn't fresh and glowing etc. Ewww! Is it all about the Quarter Life Crisis? At times I questioned myself, lol, what am I doing with my life? I knew who I was in the morning, but I changed a few times since then. When I was sick, I googled my problems only to find out that I was going through quarter life crisis :P 

Now, I am a grown up me for sure but also more stupid, ridiculous and as childish as ever (Contradictory, but one can be combinational :D). When I had to first(the only one yet) see a guy for a family proposal, I literally stood in my room with my mom and bro and said- "I'm not walking outside, this is so ridiculous". My mother was shocked at my behavior when the guests were already seated in the hall. No that wasn't my mistake again, I would rather indict the child within me.

I woke up many times with this early morning dream, where I got married to an unknown, unseen person in the reception area of my workplace :D Sounds crazy? Well, it almost took my life away. How the heck can one even dream something like this repeatedly? Only after I left my first workplace, this dream hasn't recurred, Luckily. Now, my friends still do ask me the same questions like they used to years ago, I still end up saying "Maybe next year" and I immediately start asking about their husband or the little one they have (to change the topic) :P I haven't changed a bit over this period, but the life itself has changed a lot. When I turn back and see, it's a collective bunch of changes. 

I am now at a new workplace, I left my friends behind and I am extremely guilty about it. I do every bit to catch up with them along with "trying hard and harder to fit into the new workplace". Unfortunately, human needs are insatiable. And we do run after the so-called "Money". No longer I feel, I'm underpaid. But my life isn't as comfortable as it used to be. Today, I still run away from seeing grooms on the online portals or via email communications. I still avoid eye contact with my mother when the discussion begins. And I still feel "I don't know, where my life is leading to". Sometimes, I just crack a pathetic joke saying - "Wow, they opened Ishwariya Vishwa Vidyalaya in my colony"  only to get those dreadful looks from my family :P :D 

Somewhere the same story amongst women of my age :D Some have a better life eased through this phase while others are still trying to fit into. And, Here I am - this is me, There's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be. 

*And, Here I am - this is me, There's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be. -- Courtesy - Bryan Adams. 

P.S:  Courtesy put up for the stolen line :P  Apologies for the long read. Also, this one revolves more around Career and Personal life as chosen topics :)


-Love,
VJ