Gone but not forgotten!

Years ago this day, she was happily attending her Uncle’s wedding. As a school going girl, she was over excited about the wedding. She was wearing a pretty lehenga choli which her Daddy dearest bought and there she was running all around the convention hall.
Only after a while had she realized that her mother and brother weren’t in the reception hall. They weren’t to be seen anywhere. Every guest that arrived, repeatedly questioned her where was her little family. She had no clue. Shortly after the wedding ceremony, she went on asking every other relative of hers if they had seen her mother, to no avail.
She strolled home which was a few kilometers away. Shockingly, there were none at home but her Grandfather. He then informed her, they were at the hospital. She certainly had no idea about what had happened. She inquired about the Hospital, which was again a few km from her home.
She walked to the hospital she was told about. As soon as she entered she saw many of her relatives in the hospital. There she saw, her mother grieving inconsolably. She saw her uncles talking to her mother. She looks here and there, she saw her brother in another corner. Running here and there with some hospital slips.
As an 11 year old, she barely had any clue about anything happening there. She walks closer and closer.  She saw two of her aunts standing close to a private room, around which the hospital staff is running about. She tried to enter the room and nobody let her to. She now became more and more anxious. Her heart beats are at a varying rate now. When she finally entered the room pushing everyone aside, there she saw her father in tremendous pain and agony. She could only see the cries in and around the room. He was crying in pain. He wasn’t able to move. The doctors around were giving him the injections. Nothing seems to be serving anymore. He wanted to pass the urine but he couldn't. He cries in pain. She was allowed to stand barely for 2–3 minutes in that room. He was immediately rushed to an Emergency. She was sent away.

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As an 11-year-old, once again she was clueless and crying. She was sent home with a relative of hers. When she reached home, the newlyweds were brought into the house. she went and locked herself in a room. She did not get out of the room until that night and surprisingly none even noticed it. At night, she walked out of the room only hearing her mother cry out loud. Her Father passed away that night suffering from Hepatitis B, until that day of which they were unaware of. 

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And that marked the worst 2 minutes at the hospital and the worst day in her life. Something she could never forget and something that would stay in her heart until the end of her time. Healing has its own way and it takes its own time. For every girl, her father is her first hero and for her, he lived up to every bit as a hero, a guiding light, a teacher, a superman and an amazing Daddy. He gave her the wings to fly and the vision to dream endlessly. The memories of endless love and the warmth make her all cold today. She is strong but tired. She wants a warm hug and a pat on the back. She wished if he could come back. She snuggles into her blanket and yet she is frozen. 

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She turns to the other side of the pillow as this side is already cold hiding her secrets. She slips into the sleep only to meet him again in the world outside this, the world of her dreams. 

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For he was the most beautiful thing she preserved in her heart and was her hardest Goodbye! Gone but not forgotten! 

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Love,
Vj (Nutty Wordsmith)

A letter to Daddy!

Daddy Dearest,

Daddy is what I've always fondly called you. If I could ever write something thoughtfully , that would be the greatest ever told. For I would write about you Daddy, who was a man with Golden heart. I don’t know what you were to the entire world but a very special person to my own world.

The values that you have instilled in me are the ones that let me be who I am and be a strong person I could ever be. When people say - "Like Father, Like Daughter" that's the best thing I could ever ask for. I gleam with pride every time someone says - You are just like your Daddy.

Today after 15 years of your absence,  I have still memories of you afresh in my mind. So My dear Daddy my best ever gift to myself is the ability to recall the gift of your brief presence in my life. Perhaps, if you think I missed a lot of things, I would only say, Life's lessons you have taught me are engraved in my heart.

Without the very presence of you in my heart, I wouldn’t be the person I'm today. I'm glad I picked up all that you showered upon me as lessons. You are that one in a millions type of Dad, who has led the secure foundation of my life. I feel your love and presence wherever I go. You are that shining star of my universe. If God ever sends a line of Fathers, I would search for you from the crowd and make you mine all over again.

You never looked for praises, you never boasted anything. For you did everything  for us and left so hurriedly, I couldn't just tell you that - "You were my hero and you have always been. I loved you then, and I love you even more now. Happy Birthday Daddy"

Sitting and gazing back to the farthest ever I can recall,
Your Little Girl V

That Tall Handsome Man!

A shiver runs through me thinking of him. Everything about him is so special and so unique. He is always been appreciated by many. Every other acquaintance of him I personally met had something to tell about him. Tons of things I learnt through his acquaintance about him made me feel more special. He was like that magical rock, to whom everyone went with their problems. And that includes me too. I call it "Happiness for real", ignoring all the tears I shed.

I recently attended a family friend's wedding. It was obvious to meet many known people. Initially, I was hesitant to face a lot of them but I eased through it. I entered the function hall in a blue silk saree and greeted so many uncle and aunties with hands folded. More than half of them said, "Oh look who is grown up, the little Pinky". I was shy! And they said, had he been here, wouldn't that be great? I nodded my head in acknowledgement.

Memories and people from the past can be pleasant and at times equally painful. If you decide to smile at the odds, you will have only the pleasant thoughts greeting you. A little later, a lady in her late 50s came to us. She was gentle and kind. She smiled and asked my mother "Vahini(word used to address a woman as sister-in-law) how are you?". My mother responded to her and wished her for the "Rashtra Prashasthi". "Had he been here, he would be over the moon. wouldn't he?" asked the lady. She started to narrate a small story of hers.

"I was earning Rs. 400 per month in a private school then, it was he who got an application form. He filled it up neatly and pushed me out of the house to submit the application. I then submitted the application and joined the Government services. He ensured to see that I get the joining within Hubli taluk. No less than a God to me, while my Maithili and Vaidehi were little kids. Tears were rolling constantly as she continued to speak. There was this other man standing there along with us, who now silently fled the sight. She said, what kind of a friend is this person? He doesn't have a little patience to hear about his own friend. Meanwhile, other women there opened up to say "No wonder why you are such a kind and helpful woman, were you not there, we would not get to eat a meal a day". She stated, it is he who made my life and, in turn, yours'. I will remain thankful to him till my eyes close forever.

Now that I had spent more than half a day in hearing appreciations of this man, I went into a series of flashbacks. This one is a simple yet small one:

It was a summer evening, I had returned home after visiting a friend on a Saturday noon. For reasons unknown, I'm a games freak. I played a lot of it and returned by evening. I saw this man resting on the bed and I jumped on the bed. Silently sat on his "little-big-tummy". He opened his eyes and asked what I wanted. Little hesitant and scared as I was at the moment, I said "Video Game". Little did I know, what was coming - I just put forth my demand. Till then, there were no instances I ever dared to demand anything. I was a low maintenance child then. He calmly walked out of the room and freshened up and dressed up smartly with shirt neatly tucked in, a rare collection watch, footwear polished so well to shine and combed with few Bajaj Almond drops. I assumed my demand was blindly rejected, I went and sat in one of the corners of the room. He then came over and asked If I was ready yet? I looked here and there and grinned instantly. Jumped out of the bed and dressed up in no time. That evening, I got my first 'Brick Game' Home. What a delight that was.

Although he was very strict yet he was jovial, very disciplined yet super cool; he was witty yet he was kind and caring. And he was my Hero.

That Tall Handsome Man is My Father!

 The most important influence in my childhood was my father.My father was my teacher. But most importantly he was a great Dad. Today as I write this memoir, I apprehend it is exactly 15 long years, that I've lived only with the memories. There is a complete void in me. Today, when I hear all the great stories by others that he never mentioned to us, I wish I could thank him enough for all that he was. I wish I could tell him I how much I admired him. I wish I could bring him back. I wish he could hold me before I fall. I wish he punished me when I broke the rules. I wish he could shine with pride over my success. I wish and I wish!!

I want to hug him for once and say "How much I missed him for all these years". I revived all those special remembrances his friends shared with us. He left footprints of kindness wherever he went. I now wonder about those, whom my father supported, took care of, educated, nurtured and made a good human-being. Benevolence begins at home, yes it indeed. As I recall, there were a number of relatives and family friends who lived in my house along with us, like us and completed their education. But there are many more untold random acts of kindness. Today, I feel my dad must be happy, wherever he is as he see them successful.

I still wake up with dreams of my Dad visiting us in his vacations, I still get frightened to talk to him looking straight into his eyes in my dreams. I still wish that was real. I still feel proud for he was multitalented. I still wait to sleep only to see him again. There is a deep-seated need to fill the unfillable void. But I'm sure the strongest guy I ever met would never want to see me broken.  

In the walk of life,
We pass joys and pain.
There will be sunshine and rain;
There will be loss and gain.
But we must learn to smile again and again.

My first article about the most dignified and the noble soul. Had he been here he would have gracefully aged with gray hair and nearing to his retirement life. But he rather resides in each of us in my home. And now I know, why there is a little bit of heaven in my home :)

-Love,
That Tall Handsome Man's Daughter :)